Vishal Bhardwaj returns.
Reviewer : A couple falls in love, but the girl has a benefactor/ sugar daddy who owes his loyalty to the ruling forces. Eventually love conquers all… starring Deepak Parashar as the freedom fighting lover, Ranjeeta as the confused girl in love and Raj Babbar as the Portugese serving benefactor, Armaan is an unofficial remake of Casablanca.
Audience: Sorry, what was that?
Reviewer: Am just reviewing the film I saw.
Audience: What are you smoking mate? We didn’t come to see Armaan, we came to see Rangoon, the Vishal Bhardwaj directed war drama about love & deceit.
Reviewer: Oh heck, if you have seen Armaan then consider Rangoon similar with only poorer songs. Atleast Armaan had the eternal Usha Uthup singing ‘Rambha Ho’. This excuse of a movie doesn’t even have that.
Audience : Rubbish. This reviewer is a fraud. Throw him to the dungeons.
Reviewer 2: Friends, Countrymen, VBites! Lend me thy ears. Please ignore this fool who mocks our favourite director, who has returned with his two favourite heroes to present to us a film about pure love.
- So what if the main focus and only interest in the film is the actress, who dances like Naomi Watts did in King Kong, for a trio of Japanese soldiers.
- So what if the only interesting thing in the film is her interaction with a Japanese POW, where the true love of friendship is highlighted, breaking the barriers of language.
- It is this love that makes her adorn her famous on screen persona and ride her motorbike, to rescue her hero, who was nothing but an POW, who has been captured yet again, but this time by the British forces.
- It is this love that makes her confused, in her already confused state of existence whether to choose love or mission, so what if it was an inconsequential choice at that moment.
- It was this moment, that gave our army hero, the 2nd whole scene to actually act in the film. Can you beat that VBites. This is the same actor who stole your hearts in the adaption of Hamlet. And only 2 scenes in the film, where he actually acted. The earlier one too being with the fearless Nadia, oops, Julia a.ka. Jwala Singh, at the burial of her spot boy, the eternal sacrificing Muslim character of yore, Zulfi.
- If there are a few flaws, so is it a crime? I mean who cares if the film is 167 minutes long, is editing the only thing that matters for a movie to be accepted? Is poor use of VFX the only reason that the ill conceived climax looks even more poor? Is it absolutely necessary that a VB film has to have good songs always? Tell me truly, when was the last time you went to see a Hindi movie for its good songs? Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo?
- Wasn’t it a treat to watch Richard Mcabee, as the delectable Hindi speaking General, the only treat in the film?
- Is it a must that the other hero, who gave his life defining performance in VB’s adaption of Omkara, had to have a role which actually meant something more than his recent shoot of a Koffee with .. ‘episode’? I mean that movie was almost a decade ago now, come on!
- Why then, do we need to be so harsh? Was it a crime for VB to indulge in himself, when he had the backing of not one, but two production houses? Is it a crime, I ask?
Audience: NAY , NAY…. Of course not! He is allowed to err a few times, HE IS!
Reviewer 2: .. and so what if he errs, I hear? Cant we bear a 7 Khoon Maaf or a Matru ki Electricity, for the sheer fact that he will return again with a Haider? Can we not indulge in him a little, so that he can go back and deliver us a Kaminey?
Audience: Yes, We can.
Reviewer 2 : Can we not wait a little more, for him to match up to his best till date, for a Maqbool?
Audience : YES, LETS MAKE VB FILMS GREAT AGAIN!
Reviewer 2 : Then come, lets go back to our respective homes, forget the huge amounts you paid for this movie tickets, forget the exorbitant prices for the lousy cold samosas, and wait…. For a better tomorrow.
I hereby rest my case on love’s effort wasted, an effort of pure self indulgence and sheer mockery of Saif Ali Khan, the actor, literally walking on a tight rope! The movie did belong to Kangana, but alas, not much to belong to… and what a waste of Shahid.
Vishal, from one who gave Haider, this wasn’t expected, pray, you return to the bard.
RATING : 0.5/5
By: Yusuf Poonawala